THE LOSS JOURNEY
“Our journey is define by the way we can recreate over and over again.” Kenya Thomas
How it Began: The Loss Journey
On July 22, 2018 at 11:15pm, I was having an intimate moment with my husband Jason. As we embraced each other in the deepest physical form of love; he spoke–“my chest.” My eyes was closed and when I opened them, he collapse on top of me. I immediately started to lift him up, trying to look at his face—with now panic I repeatedly called his name. He then made a snoring noise– my thoughts began to race. Is he having a seizure? Was this a heart attack? What is happening? I screamed for my friend who was in a spare bedroom less than 6ft. away; while screaming for her, I was screaming for him. ” Jason, Jason, baby please!!” I started to check to see if he was straining, giving him mouth to mouth. By this time my friend had entered the room and dialed 9-1-1. The dispatcher was on the phone, she had me to perform CPR. His eyes was closed and he was fighting– his legs was shaking and moving — he was trying to conquer whatever was going on in his body. I kept zoning out– one moment I was screaming “Jason you bet not died on me, they next moment, I’m screaming at the dispatcher asking WHERE IS THE PARAMEDICS?!!!! Jason eyes then popped open, his head shift left, and his erection subsided. My heart stopped- ” you bet not leave me Jason.” I asked my friend to take over giving CPR. I was losing it, I was losing him. The paramedics finally arrived. They worked on him in our bedroom and then carried him out to the ambulance–” will he be okay?” I asked. “Ma’am we don’t know” My life was crumbling. I made it to the hospital where I was told to go sit in a isolated room. At that moment I knew— the doctors came in and told me the worst news ever. “Kenya, Jason did not make. He stop breathing on his way to us. We tried everything.” Jason was only 34yrs. old. We was married 12yrs and together 18. This is the day I started “The Loss Journey.”
Sit and soak in the now–Understand your reality. Life feels like a standstill– but it’s not! It’s moving with or without you. Hold yourself tight– fight your regrets, your “what could or should have been??” Accept what has transpired–it’s not fair, but its life.
Start developing a plan, routine, or schedule. Let the pain push you– you’re already out of your comfort zone because of your loss—keep pushing yourself. Allow your pain to help begin your process of recreating a new and positive you– You feel the worst has happened, so whats the harm in taking a new risk — new job, tapping into your creative side, relocating etc. What would make your love one(s) happy?
Regain your strength. Take deep breathes, build your relentlessness trait (we all have it) and take that first step. This step will refine you. Its by far the hardest part– because this step will remind you that you are not stepping along side that person you loss. This is the first day you start your new journey. You will have moments you want to go backwards, DON’T! Sit on that step and recharge– reflect, recreate, and then regain again. Now get up — step on the next step and continue your journey.
The Loss Journey
If you would like to share your journey and/or tips on how you recreate different paths in your life, email: firstname.lastname@example.org